work @ yishun northpoint roadshow nt bad, somehow slack, oso got someone to tok to with. and haha its gd to noe the ppl there b4 i go there. hahaaaa tt noisy handsome ben LOL (: baby gonna kill me when he see that. hees. next week i hopei can continue working @ that roadshow. but dunno if ken will reserve for felicia tt location or nt. hais sadcase. well..for the sake of money, have to tolerate everything and anithing. cos i wanna give him the best birthday(: 2005, nth much. 2006, abit better but still a MESS. and i hope 2007 will be the best(:
oh ya and IM NOT GONNA PLAN AND ORGANISE ANITHING OUTING OR GATHERING OR WHOEVER BIRTHDAY CELEB AGAIN!! im nt blaming anyone, not being offended. but i just feel that everytime i planned, everyone jus take it for granted. no money i always try to cover up so to let everyone enjoy. im nt rich either. i oso earn money myself by working. and i save up. yes i do spend but if im gonna plan and noe some events is coming up, ill still save so to enjoy and not being a wet blanket to anyone. this time, i noe im asking too much, then im sorry. but i nv demand anyone to pay at a go, im jus trying to ask u all to save. but its ok and sorry if u all think i didnt spare a thought for all of u. im really sorry. u all go ahead with whatever plan all of u wan. dun expect me to change my plan when u all cant even change ur plan for me too. im sorry i cant change my plan cos its wat we wish for long ago. and now it's gonna be his birthday and i wanna make this wish come true. take it as myprob or wat. ill reflect. but i hope all u guys reflect on urself too, think of how u all take me for granted always when i planned smth. im always putting effort trying to make every1 happy, not only for baby's birthday. but im really tired of all these shit. im real tired. i jus feel so taken for granted. think of urself everyone, is there a time when u all planned smth and it works? none. cos u all nv wanted to cooperate at all. even if i change plan, when comes to money issue, i bet wanting u all to give out $20 oso may be a problem. dun say im wrong. ive experienced all these. im nt saying and nv look down on anyone b4 for being no money, i have nv. but ive always give every1 a early notice, nv last min, to save up. but always, without fail, i need to pay for a few 1st. im nt complaining or blaming anything. but my intention is to say tt i nv get full cooperation b4. nv. im nt refering to this time tt i asked u all to save up $150+, even this time i change my plan and asked u all to save up $30 or $40 would also be a prob. cos when comes to money issue, i noe it's a sensitive issue, but u all r just too much. im nt saying all these nonsense or shit judging by just this time, this time i noe i may be asking too much. but think abt 2006 chalet, sm's bday. think abt how many times u all say wanted some bbq or watever gathering, but none work out and happens. think abt how u all always last min and nv give notice and think ppl will turn up? its nt dun wanna turn up but its too last min. so i hope u guys dun think solely is my problem this time. i dun think im right fully. i oso have my wrong too for asking this amt. but i hope u all will reflect too. ive said my piece. and im nt gonna plan anything for anyone le. i dun wanna organise anything. ill just plan things for me and baby. and my other frens who appreciate my effort(:

well. i guess today's entry gonna be a long long one. cos nxt thing im gonna talk abt is abt baby gonna go ns this year alr. hais. we've been tgt for 2 yrs plus alr. been meeting almost everyday. im so not independent and rely on him so much. out of sudden he's gonna drift apart from me. im so not used to it. so afraid. so lonely. seriously, yeah crybaby again. wanna cry so much abt it. how i wish tt he wont go in ns and so there's ppl to pamper me, to wait for me to release frm sch and send me hm, to buy sweets and things i wan for me when im in sch, to eat lunch with me, to sit beside me @ night to use his lappy and i use my desktop. haiss. but he's nt going to do tt anymore. i guess i will be hoping for everyweekend to spend my wonderful times with him(: im gonna quit my job 2 weeks after he went in which i dunno which part of this yr. yeah and i hope its nt as early as possible. i noe its high pay job but well, ive got no choice cos my job is more of a sat sun job. maybe ill jus find a weekday job so i can work with flexible timing coordinating with my sch timetable. haiss i guess my life without him may be very dead. and i really hope we ca survive through :(

anyway just went for monring break. waitin for data nw. and to complete data for this week. left 5 more weeks to the end of csc. seriously, i cant wait alr. im so f**king tired of the csc life. im im im so batt flat and spoilt cant be charge again liao. hais. im so dead nw. and been pondering if i shd rebond my hair, yeah i mean i will definitely. jus the matter of time of when? and shd i dye my hair? cos im only able to dye on 22nd jan tt week, and i think its too early frm chinese new yr? isnt it? argh. but i got no choice. im so bothereddd!! -_-" waiting waiting and waiting! waiting to 6pm and hm sweet hm which is sooooo FAR AWAY FROM NOW! (: