started block leave. nth much to blog about. stayed at hm everyday to rot i guess. i mean its the fact. went to causeway point today to catch material girls. not a bad show..somehow i like it. after tt hm sweet hm to rot with baby. played maggi market games. yeah he's lousy at it. i win him in almost every different games. yeah except the mag bakery. guess he's the future dessert chef?? yeah so this is how my life goes.

tmr most prob going jb with baby n frens. ya dunno y got no mood to go. maybe moodswing dun feel real happy. yeah. i mean nt happy abt myself nt the others. yeah. so thurs panda comin my hse and rot with me, great (: and fri goin sch to collect the personal selling stuffs and oso at nite going to club to celeb sinhui's bday. yeah our dear sinhui turning 18 (:

miss my bsu mates. life without them is so bored. esther is leaving bsu when we r back after block leave. i'll miss her. or rather all of us will miss her.. miss the times when we watch goong tgt and oso the dunno wat dumpling anime de (: hees.. this stopover oso gonna end soon le. real sad. and wat. my nxt stopover is csc. yeah f***. i cried bcos of this. i dunno y.i jus feel so emo abt it. i jus got the big fear abt it. i dunno y. i jus feel veri upset. i noe im so childish and emo to cry bcos of this. but well. i guess this is me. im a crybaby. im an idiot that only irritates ppl. im attitude tt always make ppl to NOT love me yeah tt's quite sad. but i dunno. jus so emo.

i noe charlene gonna say i'm emo again when i asked her not to. ger im sorry. i tried not to. but i cant. there's too many things in my heart and mind. i've let so many ppl down. i think im so nt fit to console any1. yeah i throwed my own f***-ing face. i'm jus so tired of everythin. i jus so wnana end my life so much. sometimes i realli wonder, wonder y mum wanna give me this life when givin me this life made her tired, sad, angry, worried and waste money. im so nt fit to live. im nt fit to love. im nt fit to do anithing at all. im nt fit even to live, in this world or maybe in other worlds. maybe even for an alien do nt wanna accept me too. i wish to vanish. im so fading away from everything.

yeah watever shit. since young, bet i've nv do anithing gd. bet i nv. in family, im the most naughty one, most lazy, most unfilial. among frens, im the most useless one who only noe how to play, spend and nth got me serious. with baby, im the suckiest one i guess, nv been a gd gf. badtemper. bigbully. watever. hurting. yeah i mean im nt the 1 who got hurt most i guess but guess he's the 1 who got hurt most. i wanna cherish him as much as he did to me, i tried. but guess i've always let him down. im so sorry tt i couldnt let go of so many things. i dun ask for ur understand. i noe 1 day if ure gonna leave me, i will definitely open up a pathway for u to go. cos i noe u've given me enough. or rather, more than enough. thanks for everything baby. yeah in my life i guess, i always wont get wat i wan. yeah i mean nt in terms of things money can get. but things which no matter how much money u've got oso cant get de. i noe nth's pefect. im nt askin for perfect too. but at least, give me a happier life. i noe god got his/her reason to give me this life, but i hope they can change their mind. i realli wish to ask for a happier life and wish tt ppl around me will be even happier. esp my family. i wan every1 of them to be happy cos i got my blood in them, if they r hurt in anyway. i feel hurt too. i feel the pain. so do them. i wish my life will be happier so they can be happier in anyway. yeah. so god, can u jus grant me this wish. dun make me hurt again. i had enough of all the pains .