in love with all the food there. damn. im gonna go back again. but got to wait cos its nt cheap. thanks baby. love you muacks.

went newton circus and had dinner! stingray and sotong was BEST AND SUPERB. but the rest nt up to standard. esp, the cockles. shitty bloody disgusiting. the vege dunno y the hell there's pepper in it. spoils everything. arghhh. forget abt it. cos afterall stilla wonderful dinner.

after dinner, cam whoring at newton circus and newton mrt station. we look more like tourists than singaporeans. lols! and so after cam whoring, charlene left us 1st cos she got to go home..sadded but well, we still bring her along in our heart (: so the rest went orchard, shop a while, rongci joined us! (: haha and tt blur guy, mistaken wisma as taka. i think he's more like a tourist compared to us. haha and around 10plus we've decided to walk to hard rock cafe from taka. so xueli left us to meet her guy. and walk a long long way. finally we reached hard rock! (: hees reached at abt 11pm. and waitin for tt sauliang. tt dumbo tricked us tt he's in mos. lols! scare us. well so we listened to the live band there. superb. they sing damn well jus tt i hate seeing their expression cos its like so TONG KU. haha!! so sauliang joined us ltr on and we played poker cards- DA BIAN DAI DEE. nice one (: same position in 2 rounds , queen (: haha so chilled out till 1am. and we headed to shaw house mac (: ate supper! haha i ate mac nuggets meal. YEAH i noe is FAT! well. i jus simply cant control. hang out till around 2plus we went to take night rider home. haha panda came my hse and slp cos sengkang bu fang bian and partly im scared of goin hm alone. so reached hm at around 3 plus am, haha remove make up wash face n everything. bed time! told her some bed time story and we slp! woke up at 10.30am! and xiao ming hm sweet hm. i went back to bed to wait for baby to come!

nw rot. intended to go bugis but well. im broke. hes broke too. save money. rot at hm. tmr gonna go vienna buffet with baby! lovess (:

1st of all. HAPPY BIRHTDAY MY DEAR SINHUI !! MUACKSS!!

yeah..2nd. congrats baby for passing his advanced theory! (:

no more 3rd i guesS? lols. nw rottin at home waitin for panda mingming to come my hse rot too! haha. nth much to say oso..erm oh yeah tmr gonna go sch take the cookies and stuffs for personal selling. and after tt at night going newton circus and celeb sinhui bday. at nite pubbing at hard rock cafe (: yeah i hope and i noe it'll be a great nite out (:

weekend im nt workin. baby nt workin most prob too cos we intend to go vienna international buffet. omg the food there rox. yeah i noe its a sin to EAT N EAT N EAT. but well. jus for this week only.. lols EXCUSES! charlene and me myself will keep reminding THAT EVERYTHING IS ONLY FOR THIS WEEK. sinful to eat so much but well. I SIMPLY CANT CONTROL the food there seriously ROCKS! omg. i need some help in savin myself nt to waste money and nt to make myself fat. I NEED HELP. ARGHhhhhh.

today sux. end up no jb trip. baby passport cant go. shit everythin. was veri disappointed at 1st but well jus got better. and nw my mood like shit again. shit everything. pui.

started block leave. nth much to blog about. stayed at hm everyday to rot i guess. i mean its the fact. went to causeway point today to catch material girls. not a bad show..somehow i like it. after tt hm sweet hm to rot with baby. played maggi market games. yeah he's lousy at it. i win him in almost every different games. yeah except the mag bakery. guess he's the future dessert chef?? yeah so this is how my life goes.

tmr most prob going jb with baby n frens. ya dunno y got no mood to go. maybe moodswing dun feel real happy. yeah. i mean nt happy abt myself nt the others. yeah. so thurs panda comin my hse and rot with me, great (: and fri goin sch to collect the personal selling stuffs and oso at nite going to club to celeb sinhui's bday. yeah our dear sinhui turning 18 (:

miss my bsu mates. life without them is so bored. esther is leaving bsu when we r back after block leave. i'll miss her. or rather all of us will miss her.. miss the times when we watch goong tgt and oso the dunno wat dumpling anime de (: hees.. this stopover oso gonna end soon le. real sad. and wat. my nxt stopover is csc. yeah f***. i cried bcos of this. i dunno y.i jus feel so emo abt it. i jus got the big fear abt it. i dunno y. i jus feel veri upset. i noe im so childish and emo to cry bcos of this. but well. i guess this is me. im a crybaby. im an idiot that only irritates ppl. im attitude tt always make ppl to NOT love me yeah tt's quite sad. but i dunno. jus so emo.

i noe charlene gonna say i'm emo again when i asked her not to. ger im sorry. i tried not to. but i cant. there's too many things in my heart and mind. i've let so many ppl down. i think im so nt fit to console any1. yeah i throwed my own f***-ing face. i'm jus so tired of everythin. i jus so wnana end my life so much. sometimes i realli wonder, wonder y mum wanna give me this life when givin me this life made her tired, sad, angry, worried and waste money. im so nt fit to live. im nt fit to love. im nt fit to do anithing at all. im nt fit even to live, in this world or maybe in other worlds. maybe even for an alien do nt wanna accept me too. i wish to vanish. im so fading away from everything.

yeah watever shit. since young, bet i've nv do anithing gd. bet i nv. in family, im the most naughty one, most lazy, most unfilial. among frens, im the most useless one who only noe how to play, spend and nth got me serious. with baby, im the suckiest one i guess, nv been a gd gf. badtemper. bigbully. watever. hurting. yeah i mean im nt the 1 who got hurt most i guess but guess he's the 1 who got hurt most. i wanna cherish him as much as he did to me, i tried. but guess i've always let him down. im so sorry tt i couldnt let go of so many things. i dun ask for ur understand. i noe 1 day if ure gonna leave me, i will definitely open up a pathway for u to go. cos i noe u've given me enough. or rather, more than enough. thanks for everything baby. yeah in my life i guess, i always wont get wat i wan. yeah i mean nt in terms of things money can get. but things which no matter how much money u've got oso cant get de. i noe nth's pefect. im nt askin for perfect too. but at least, give me a happier life. i noe god got his/her reason to give me this life, but i hope they can change their mind. i realli wish to ask for a happier life and wish tt ppl around me will be even happier. esp my family. i wan every1 of them to be happy cos i got my blood in them, if they r hurt in anyway. i feel hurt too. i feel the pain. so do them. i wish my life will be happier so they can be happier in anyway. yeah. so god, can u jus grant me this wish. dun make me hurt again. i had enough of all the pains .

today! met baby. EAT TOM YUM BAN MIAN. FINISHED THE WHOLE BOWL WHICH CAN BE MEANT FOR 2PAX. great. i am FAT. and i DRANK CHOC MILK TEA. arghhhhhh! saw jiezhi with her sis (: haha happy happy to c her! hees..shop around with baby at causeway. he bought a mouse for his lappy and he bought me a ZA eyeliner. love it so muchie! (: seperated with him cos he wanna go home rest 1st. and i proceed on to little india and meet sinhui and panda to mystery shop! lols AGAIN THE 3 OF US AND FUN INDEED! haha! went to sinhui's ah ma hse after tt to key in and fill in. her ah ma hse there super uoo-luu de lor!! ahaha the back alley, walk there like anytime gonna get rape like tt! LOL.. me n panda super brave! only the 2 of us walk back, and saw this 2 indians..lols dunno wat they r doing man..hahaDUNNO HOW TO DESCRIBE..JUST FUNNY! super thrilling road. LOL. well. went back to yishun met baby again! and went 925 to eat stingray and hokkien mee. FATTENING. ALL THE FATTENING. I WANNA STOP! ARGHH!!

tts all i think. nth much to say abt. tmr block leave. gonna meet xiang and jiali to go bank and change card. and after tt i will be meeting baby and they going home! (:

well, fuck up life. emo. i am super fuck up and i think i have a fuck up life. i am such a fuck up person. yeah wat. i'm posted to csc. great huh. fuck up. i fucking dun have a gd life i fuckin wish to quit sch and fucking with to die RIGHT NW. i fucking think nth going smoothly for me and fucking think my life seriously sux. and I'M FUCKING SUX TOO. arghh. yeah fuck up.

stop all these fuck-ups. stop the vomiting. stop the eatings. stop all the pain. AND PLEASE STOP THE FATS. i wanna stop everything. great. tts all. no need to tag me abt it if any1 going to do so but maybe none wans. well but this entries jus to vent out my fuck up anger. i'm jus bein veri fuck up nw.

so yday went to sch as usual. hees took flexi at 3pm cos his sch ends at 3pm..met him..went vivo-ing AGAIN. haha cos u noe singapore is so damn small and we cant think of any where else to go.. intended to watch movie but then well..seats were full so well. we gave up tt idea and went shopping. well 1st time shopping and i bought NTH!! i dunno y..i saw a few items i wan but everytime i think of they money i gave up. well so save money (: dinner at sushi tei. food was GREAT! full (:

and guess wat. i'm havin gastric flu! lols great huh. finally and yday i LS 4-5times dun realli rem. AND I VOMITED 2 TIMES LIKE MERLION!! and i ate medicine. guess it's stopping nw alr. and well..on diet plan will fail again!!

sorry for tt previous emo entry! realli sorry for those who worried! twinnie i'm sorry to make u tear too! well but i'll be fine i guess? i dun wanna live in the past anymore. i wanna move on. i dun wanna continue tryin to reach for tt old star which is so sharp and it will hurts and kill maybe? i waanna reach for a brand new star (: and i'm tryin nw~

twinnie! sorry for didnt realli contact you recently. realli hope i get ur understanding tt i wasnt feel great recently. down and depressed. i heartx you still! nv change! love you ger~

talked abt fri, went vivo-ing with classmates! fun indeed! at sakae dinner! super song. 30 coloured plates 4 red plates 1 soft shell crab and 6 green tea by 6 gers includin me! cool right? seriously feel so great eating all these but well. i think i seriously need to be on diet! argh cos i am seriously FATTTT ARGHH. bought choc for baby at candy empire!

sat worked at sony gallery paragon. nt bad afterall although it's quite boring and sian. movie with baby after work.. watched step up! a nice show! they dance realli well! omg. everytime when i c ppl dance, i couldnt help being sad. cos i wish i could dance as well too. but well..i noe i can nv do it~ depressed.

sun TODAY! met baby and xiao ming panda to golden mile to mystery shop. smelly =x LOL so we get it done with faster and leave! went ceineleisure to eat our LATE lunch! went to HK cafe! super nice food there lor!! but..well I THINK I'M HOPELESS COS I AM SERIOUSLY FAT FAT FAT!! i ate a big serving of baked rice..AND I FINISHED IT ALL! shared prawn thingy, the ha gao smth like tt, chee cheong fun and mango ice with them! we finished it all! li hai hor? i think i realli need to go on diet!!!! arghhh but i noe i can nv do it! shopped a while, bought 2 t shirts. arghh waste $$ again. hate myself. and then hm sweet hm to baby's house (:

tmr's our 2 yrs ani. 24th monthsary finally! love you baby! (:

all these are how i feel nw..when i'm alone i think alot alot..today panda and charlene nt around..pean bz with her interview. i'm lonely. and i realli think alot. i wanna cry. i hate this life of mine at the same time love it. fuck up fuck up life.

i cant slp everynite. i stayed up every nite and make myself occupied cos i dun wanna think.
i am upset cos of a bastard.
i am emo-ing cos i cant imagine u can cause such a big impact to me.
i am sian cos i'm alone.
i am fuck up-ing cos i cant imagine how bastard you r.
i am angry cos i feel so cheated.
i have hatred cos you realli sux. you changed my life. damn.
but i feel loved cos at this point in time, baby you're still giving me strength.

i realli cant make myself to forgive and forget anymore. take it as i petty. i am bitchy. i sux. i dunno issit my prob. but you r just so a bastard. ihateyou. i realli do so. i dun wish to see you damn it. you made my life so miserable. you made me fall into depression again when i jus recovered. you really hurt me alot. and to that fat bitch. i always thought i am so bithcy and veri jian. i cant imagive u r more bitchy and jian than me. i hate you i realli do so. BADDIES GO TO HELL. I HATE YOU ALL!!

i am so bored. so down. so no mood to slp. i feel sick..super sick. vomited today n yday. no appetite. sian. 1.45am, i wish i could just close my eyes and slp and tmr will be another better day..but all these r deceiving myself. i dunno y. and i realli dunno how. all my smiles are so fake. i wanna be real happy. well, too much not to be let out, can only say, eventually i'm the 1 who get hurt most. but thanks baby, you're my strength (:
thanks for all ur love and care for me..i can nv repay but onli wanted love you like how you love me. i promise you i'll try.

went to meet baby jus nw, went chinatown-ing. made a necklace, abit big but quite nice, cost me $18. well, quite exp actually..but i dunno. couldnt stop spending when my pay fuckin owe me for so long. i'mseriouslybroke. VERY. god of fortune pls save me. i will bet on 4D this week, but well doubt gd results will be out. cos i'mSWAY. SUPER.

few hrs ltr will be another boring day. well. i'm seriouslyFAT if tep goes on. couldnt help and control myself from eating. i hate FOOD at the same time, i love it . arghh.