well..some thoughts which i feel like writin down..wahahha..1st is abt relationship..well, got better with him already, nt bcos i love him more or wat..i still love him as much of cos..but then i dun tend to feel like quarreling with him anymore cos i dun feel anything le..somehow feel the numb in my heart..seriously, humans r strange! when they r attached, they always want to be single but once single, they wish to find a partner! well..i've been single b4 but i dunno will it be happier than attached..for some ppl, they feel when they r single, frens will be there for them! but for me, of cos i am nt sayin my frens wont be there for me! it's jus tt i will tend to feel more lonely, cos somehow i always find hard to date frens out..tt's y i always say i need him..but i love him or i need him more? ..i asked myself b4..seriously i dun find an ans..i love him..but i dunno if i need him more than i love him..somehow..i felt puzzled and wish to find an ans soon too..wat if the ans is i need him more than i love him? i feel so unfair to him? but will i break up with him? i dunno y..i somehow feel like taking a break..nt bcos i hate him..but maybe more of hating myself?? i felt veri tired, tired of this life of mine! i somehow couldnt take it of how i feel of my life..i feel so suck and fucked up!! i wish to figure out wat i wan in life, but i always jus cant..didnt noe the reason..well..i dunno y..i felt so stress up abt almost everything when actually it's so simple..i wish to be alone, to think, to do, but when i am alone, i feel lonely..i suck, am i? ya definitely! i wish to be with him to share my happiness and sadness with him, but when i am with him, i dunno y everything is like diff..i dun realli wish to say anything abt my life..i jus played and crap with him! it doesnt mean i dun love him anymore, baby i love u dun misunderstood wat i mean, but it's jus my emo, i jus dun feel like telling ANYONE abt my things.! seriously i think i am bursting soon..i hatee my life..i dunno y..but i jus hate it so much!! sorry baby, if u think i am bein selfish, i wont blame u, but i realli cant figure out wat i wan and wat i dun wan anymore..i told u b4..and i realli realli meant it, i am nt the one u knew anymore, i am not the meiqi in the past anymore and i jus cant be myself anymore! the smiles, the cheerful parts of me seems so fake, cos somehow i felt so upset deep deep in my heart and i couldnt take it out..nt bcos of u, but lots n lots of things in my life

well..i always tell ppl..dun envy others..and nw i am always being envious of ppl..i always told baobeii tt others r so pretty, y cant i be as attractive as them? i always doll up, cos i wish to be attractive as them..but i always failed tts the worst lols..failure forever! i always envy ppl havin gd figure bcos i NV HAD GD FIGURE in my life b4, short, fat, small brest, small butt..! failure forever again.. well..i envy ppl for lots n lots of things..and nw i always envy my frens who can dance well and proud of themselves! i wish to learn so much..i finally reveal the truth to eileen, i envy her, i envy yanping, i envy nicole, i jus envy all my frens who dance well and envy them for bein able to fufil the dreams of bein a dancing queen which i always wanted to be since young!! i feel suck! i seriously feel so! i feel lousy, i feel fucked up! i feel INFERIOR! FUCK tts nt like me? but all this thoughts, i nv show to ppl b4..even for baobeii! i always keep it to myself, if nt, to blog..but of cos i noe ppl do c my blog..but thats their eyes, i cant control, this blog is onli to make me feel better after writin out wat i always wish to write..

ok back to topic..as a fren, i dunno..i am also a failure as a fren! if u r gd to me, i will treat u wholeheartedly! i am someone easily got influenced, easily got cheat and easily got hurt..well..since young, nv had a gd frenship b4..been cryin so much for frens all my life..i dunno..issit my attitude suck? well i realli dunno..but no matter how bad my attitude is, i noe tt's my character..but i treat u truely..ok for some frens, mayb is my retribution, but i'm nt the one at total fault, i dun deny i am at fault..i feel so hurt at tt point in time..fuck tts painful..but u all jus simply push EVERYTHING to me..nvm it's ok..i jus take it le..cos everything's over..another one, i dunno if she noe she's the one, i treat u realli as my best fren, i always listened to u, always give in to u, it's nt bcos i wan u to think i am a dog, pls i am nt..cos i dun wish to spoil the frenship between us..but one day when i know everything, do u noe the pain? guess u will nv noe..and nw wat, i dunno am i dumb or wat..but after chattin with u for some times, i somehow forgive u..somehow dun wish to blame u..nvm there r more to say abt my sec sch life..it's over, i dun wish to talk..frens prob, i have lots more to say, jus tt it's realli nv endin~ for nw, i love my gang =) cos i noe they realli love me..thanks all!

well..seriously, y mus fren do hurtful things to one another..humans r jus so strange! i realli couldnt understand why..in life, it's jus like this.. well..somethings musnt go overboard..ppl do realli get tired and totally feel dead..i am dying soon le..sadd life..humans jus like to say others when they themselves make the same mistakes! even i'm like tt, but i jus feel tt it's normal to be like this, but if do it too overboard, isn't it extreme? i guess, at tt moment, hatred will be caused! well..this is my philosphy of LIFE! learn frm xiang to talk abt philosophy! =)