i tot i will regain my appetite today..but dunno y i seems to dislike food..bought a bun and 2siew mai today..but onli ate the bun..then lunch..bought 1 bowl of noodles..baobao(xiang) helped me eat around half of it..and i still didnt manage to finish the noodle..still left around 1/4..till nw..haven eaten anythin else..dun feel real hungry..nvm gd sign..i wish to be slimmer..i'm FAT..hate to be fat..hais rem in the past..the FATS in my body..made me so sad.. =( and all those fucking pimples stayed in my face and wont go cause me so much pain..as in emotional pain..not physical..i wont forget! the phobia is there..it jus wont go!! until now, i still think my complexion sux..i wanna have nice smooth fair skin..but..fucked up me to have a BAD complexion..WAT AN UGLY FREAK i am..argh gettin real irritated by myself..am i dumbbbb!!!!

*had a wonderful nice dream yday tt made me even depressed & upset..i dreamt of smth which i long to wan..and bcos it's jus a dream..its impossible..and i felt damn sad..hais y do i have such a dream..baobeii told me to stop holdin on..stop thinking abt it..it's over for long already..iknow..i of cos know its over..but i cant forget..i realli love and wish to *..i feel DAMN INFERIOR TO so so so many ppl do u noe tt!! how i wish i can join them so much!! mayb at the 1st place i shd nt even made this move..cos if i noe it will cause me so much pain..i will rather forget it..'sometimes wishes do come true"..sometimes only..how i hope my wish, my dream will be one of the sometimes..hais..my dreams r shattered..........i wan to dance like them..i realli wan and wish to..pls dun laugh at me..dun laugh at me for bein lousy..dun laugh at me for being so stupid to get upset abt this..but this is the fact..i nv forgotten the pain.. =(

any jus show a pic of me nw n past. c the diff..the amt of fats..i hate myself.

BEFORE

AFTER