ok fine, after a taLK with him yday..dun find any diff in our love at all..lols still as bland..the feelings aint tt strong still..lols..chat with yanlin jus now..talk abt out views in relationship, obviously both of us has diff views, but we dun blame each other, cos diff ppl always do have diff thinkings..hees..well..i somehow dunno y i felt so numb to this relationship of u n me..frm the startin i felt veri pain, felt veri sad felt veri hurt..till now, i feel lesser pain, feel nt as sad and hurt le..cos i dunno wat to comment on this relationship..yanlin said in a relationship, no matter how many quarrels or wat, as long as we r happy..so i agreed with this..and think abt it..am i realli happy? haha seriously i oso dunno the ans..at times i realli do feel bliss and happy..and at times i realli feel tt i wanna let go of it so much..not onli for the misery he caused to me..but oso for the misery i gave it to him..felt veri exhausted..veri tired of everythin..esp *mentally..we've been through lots of ups and downs..and we have our sweet moments too..but seems like all this dun realli help us? i once felt neglected so much when u havin ur tep and i need some1 to love and acc me so much..but u nv there for me..after smth happened which i dun wan mention, u tried and make me understand it..ok it's a test for us, i noe the loneliness u caused to me is nt wat u wan is nt ur fault..so i understand..i changed..changed to better..to instead show u more concern and love..it helps..but i seriously dunno if the change in me is gd or nt..cos after this change, i felt so regret, cos u take for granted so much so much..after tep, i expect u to give me more care more love..but nt as i expected..u neglect my feelings even more..nvm i tolerate everythin..i always keep it to myself..sad by myself..and at times i explode cos i couldnt take it..and i talked to u abt it..u apologised, u said u noe ur wrong and u realli treat me better..but u noe wat..everytime tt dun last long at all..sometimes i feel soo tired of it that i dunno how to continue with it..but i still wan it..cos i love u baby..do u understand? u may nt be the one i love the most in my life..but no matter wat happened..i always hold on to it cos for now, u're the one i realli love so much so much..i told yanlin i wanna go back to the past so much..i wan to BADLY..but this will nv happen! in every relationship, bein together for long, it will definitely not be as sweet as b4..but she said as long as we have it b4, it better than nth..ya i realli appreciate all the sweet moments and memories with u in the past, we talk abt it sometimes, and we became better after talkin abt the past..but as usual..the sweetness always fades after a while..i put in alot effort in this relationship, not onli this, the past relationships, i always put in, startin frm ky, i put in, but wats the result..gettin FUCKING du lan cos of his mum..i dun do anithin wrong..n i felt so insulted by her..i shd deserve better than tt..but i dun..then become leonard..i noe i do ky wrong..but sorry i cant continue with him, cos i cant take it, no matter how much i love him, i nv realli be happy b4..and then i put in my most most most effort in the relationship with leonard..even more than i put in with u baby, and wat i get, i am nt the ideal ger he wans..he gave me sweet memories too..i nv deny tt..but he gave me painful memories too..he jus like bein cold at times, and sometimes being so heart warming to me! i always tried so hard to salvage everything when i noe he wans to leave me..but in the end, the result aint wat i wan..cos he nv meant to be mine..and till nw seriously i still cant accept tt he's nv meant to be mine..he's the 1st one and still the one who made me tear so much for..for days..i dunno y..it's jus the chemistry, i jus love him more than i love any1 else..ok and it's over,i dun love him anymore..but then i still miss him alot..and always think so much abt the memories..the nxt 1 is with u, at 1st i dun put in alot effort to be with u cos i dun realli love u at all..is u, u r the one who always touched me with ur effort and sincere, and i became happier with u, u're the 1st guy who i feel tt i realli can get so well with..ur parents, my parents accepted..the 1st guy who came to my hse so oftenly and u r jus my husband already..the 1st guy who realli made me feel so bliss with u..but u noe wat..the bliss i'm holdin on now, seems to be going away from me already..i wan the bliss back..but it's so hard for me to pull it back..baobeii, love can be and should be beautiful..pls dun make my love ugly..i dun wish to, and i dun wanna to tear so much for another guy already..one is enough..baby i had enough already..i dun wanna continue like this..............not askin for break up here..but please do smth abt it..cos i am realli mentally exhasuted, and i couldnt take it anymore if we r going to continue be like this.. baby i jus wan ur heart =)) i love uu ("v")