i dunno if i am ok or nt..i always tot i am ok already..always to i become better..but i am nt..after i knew the result..the disappointment is theree..the depressed feelings..i cant take it anymore..i dun wan my frens to worry..i dun wan them to c me cry..but i still cried out of control..now i stopped crying..but i couldn't take the feelings i am feeling now..i knew it will be like this but i still dunno why i still feel so depressed abt it..my frens got in, they r gd..i felt sooo dumb n lousy..i felt soo useless!!

jus received a call frm bee..he asked me nt to cry cos i promise him..i am sorry cos i didnt do wat i promise..but pls understand tt i realli could nt take this~ i am always so cheerful but regarding this kind of things, i take it veri seriously..cos i put in my veri effort to achieve the results i wan..but still..i ruined it myself..i hate myself..hais..when will i be able to forget abt this matter..pls god help me... d e p r e s s i o n :((

anyway sch is stress..i think i am falling sick..feel tired alost everyday..got alot things to be done..only 2nd week of sch, i am having presentation tmr!! sux man! hais anyway..my sis wedding coming! i got to go and shop for dress to wear le..hees budget $200! hees..enough le..hees..baobei came and meet me le..hees he wear the "I AM GOD DOG" shirt..lols..so cute of him..but feel like slapping him cos he nv wait for me to wear together.. pui!!! =(

today is eileen bday! hees HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! yday chat with yong cai oso..kinda miss my sweet orange gang! hees..hope to meet up with them soon!! =) ok gtg! blog somemore soon! bye!

short entry this will be, my mind couldn't kept at ease..i wan it so much..but i'm so worried i will fail..i keep convincing myself now "if i gan gan lai, i cfm will succeed" but although keep telling myself tt..i still worry tt day will be a diff thing~ =( HELP! hais....cos i have no confident, i tried to learn jus now.i felt so stupid..and realise my bf can do even better than me..hais.........can i get in? hopefully realli can~

on the beach tram =)

he with his family member hees

near island life =)

by the beach =)

me by the beach hees

our palace =)

by the fountain =)

with the merlion =)

wat is he trying to do!

i'm with shark! hees!

so on fri, we were both tired..didnt enjoyed much..helped him do some stuffs..so shan't write more..

today~ met him, sauming yanlin and headed to somerset, cos we going to kbox-ing..hees..but at somerset quarreled with him..lols..he scold me and i scold him..and quarreled for abt..erm 30 -45mins and we make up..proceed to kbox-ing..hees was funny in the room..cos the floor stinks! dunno y..lols..but heng is nt the room! anyway the lunch was nice~ like the chicken! hees.. after kbox-ing..is pool-ing session! hees! played for some time..then after tt we went shopping! it's shopping time again! saw ALOT things which i realli wish to have it..but same..i need money..when can i have it? think i cant..cos i over spent =(
so i saw this wonderful and veri veri nice and beautiful bag at fareast..but u noe wat..it cost $50!!! i consider a VERI long time if i shd buy or nt..end up i didnt buy..cos i going to bugis to shop tmr and c if got nice 1..if no..i shall go back to fareast and buy it!! oso got 1 new shop..saw 2 necklace, cheap and nice! 1 for $5 another for $8..shd i or shd i nt? i dunno leh..still considering..anyway it's been a long time since i get money frm dad..and i did a sin..i asked him "wan give me money buy bag or nt", he replied "wat kind of bag?", i said "bag lor, still gt wat kind meh", and he replied "$50 de bag ah?" and i said again "y u so clever, noe is $50?" and he jus take his wallet, actually wanna give me $60 but i rejected and jus take $50..felt abit guilty..cos i already even have prob to eat still take money to buy bag..am i dumb? i think maybe...

anyway short msg for dar, sorry for everything, i noe i'm lousy, and thanks for accepting for who i am.. =)

today is my daddy chinese bday..bought a present for him..a parkler pen! hees..hope he realli like it =) happy birthday my zui ai de daddy!! hees..so yday went to bishan alone to search ffor his bday present..but nth seems to be suitable for him..ended up buying a coffee bean cake for my baobei, happy early bday my dear muacks..then went back to yishun..search for present with baobei again and finally ended up with a parkler pen..

today morning woke up and went downstais wanna buy food..ended up chatting my ah ber for so long..hahaha chatt alot things..it's been sooo long since i chat with her le..so sweett..reminds me of past days =) jus read dog's blog, can see how xing fu he is le..realli feel so happy for him cos it's isnt easy to see dog so gd to a ger..hees and cherish her so much..hees realli feeling veri happy inside for him..seeing how sweet they are..i dunno if i'm jealous cos although i feel lonely, my baobei oso sweet to me..but i somehow feel the happiness for them..ah ming! hees if u happen to see my blog..wish u all the best with her k! mus jia you to change for the better hor!! for her sake, quit smoking.. =) not forgetting mark..today is his birthday..guess now he's enjoying with aileen bah..hees happy birthday mark!!! hees..during the chalet times, can see how mark treat aileen..although they have been quarrelling..but i can feel the love in them..leen, dun always say he dun treat u gd la..u noe how he feels for u =) cherish him..and i noe he will cherish u..jus have to understand his character is abit fierce..but tt's him..hees..seeinga ll my frens hapily ever after..realli feel happy for them..hees.. tts all bah..take care all !!

ok stop being nonsensical le..lols..gonna go prepare to go out soon le..hees..gotta go for LG training ltr..hees..meeting junxiong at 6.45 at city hall..wonder if he will be late or nt..hees..hope nt..cos i hate to wait for ppl..onli let ppl wait for me..dua pai hor? lols..=x wonder wat lousy phone they come up with again liao..hahaha shall see..saddie this month no work..i onli take 3 weeks of..they wan give me 4 weeks..sadddddddd...no $$..$$ $$ please come..got to buy alot things le...wanna buy tops tops and tops...and i wanna buy HUGO pure purple..hees..$117 for 90ML..baobei said he will buy for me..haha i shall wait...beeee...i'm waiting for u!! hees..fast fast hor..

still thinking of a best place to go for his bday..sux man..sg so small..saddie...-_-" fri kbox-ing with him!! woohoo..waiting waiting!!! anyway my fucking sucking idiotic sickening timetable for schooling is out!! and i'm damn freaking sad.. my timetable clashes with his 1..haha wtf NYP is doing..and weekend we r both working..so gonna seperate for 7days a week? LOL..means can break up le..ppl dun be shock if we break up..nonsense...i wanna be with him still..hahaha unless i dun love him le..he cant dun love me..cos i will slap him till he has no life left..K.O ! =x enough of nonsense again..sch starting le..saddie..fucking sian abt it..i dun understand y i'm full of vulgar when i'm a female..hahaha but my frens and darling accept for who i am..and not like bitches who scold vulgar and dislike me for full of vulgar..tt's lame of them..ok enough..jus wan to say..i'm a bitch wahahhaa..but i still cant win some ppl out there..cos dun understand y they r bitchier..lols.. =) -end-

yday he oso working..went to meet him at yishun at 10pm and we went thomson to have prata! the ppl there damn fuck, attitude and rude..wait for around half an hr then got ppl come and clear the table and ask for order..and our order came after we order veri long..but nvm..for the sake of nice food..i'm willin to wait..hees..ate damn lots lor..become fat fat gippy le..!! share 1 mee goreng with baobei, then order 1 egg prata and mushroom egg..erm..but i cant finish the egg prata..so pack home..hees..then reach home onli at 1am i think..hees..veri tired then go zzzz le..

my beebee finally got internet le! hahaha nxt time go his hse wont be so boring le..got dvd to watch, got PS2 to play and got internet to use!! shuang mah!! actually abit stupid la..cos my hse have all these long ago le ..so dunno y i so happy oso..hees but i dun have ps 2..onli have xbox..haha..soon my sch will be starting le..thinking of studyin..realli sian lor..hais...so i just left a few days more to enjoy..but my baobei got to go for TEP still from mon to thurs..but thurs he take flexi leave and can leave at 11 ! hees thurs is his bday le..still thinkign whr can we go celebrate..singapore is so small..but i got no money to enjoy overseas!! sian lor..fri going kbox with him then go around and play..sat sun haven think of activities..and mon sch *yawns..

anyway jus a short entry..nth much to write..lols..dun understand y ppl jus like to noe so much abt 1 person when he/she dun even like him or her..lame right? but nvm..can show how fuck tt person is, dun like ppl still wanna be a cat..haha dog oso can..but dun say dog..will insult sauming.lols.. =) at least i noe, mayb there's jealousy..wahaha lame i noe.. tts it..gonna go out again to meet baobei le..bye!

well back frm chalet..enjoying yet boring..lols..did quarrel with my baobei alot times..but in the end still sweetly together..cos we jus love each other so much..thanks dar for everything..love ya..well chalet days went like this..went to sentosa..and u noe wat..1stly..a union card is needed when my bestie alif told me is nt needed..so i dun have it..2ndly..my bestie alif's mother is no longer a member! ..omg..tt time i was so vexed and dunno wat to do..almost broke down..the receptionist saw how sad i am..then she told me this time she secretly jus let me in..then nxt time mus realli check properly le..how gd she was..thanks..so went in the room..god damn it..it sux..cos it's so small!!!!!! but heng we managed to slp..havin bbq 1st day and it rains..wat a "gd" weather..but managed to bbq still cos rain stopped..hees but still wet wet de..abit sian..ate alot..hees love the food baobei cooked for me..hees..at nite after bbq..went for a short walk with baobei cos i felt sad..he hugged me and i cried..after a cry much more better..hees..then went back..1st nite slept with aileen only in room..hees but we onli managed to slp at 4plus..haha think she's even "earlier" than me..hees wake up 2nd day morning to ask baobei come the room to slp with me cos i'm freezing..then he hug me to slp..so sweet of him thanks again dar..then woke up at around 11..then went beach to sun tan..actally oso didnt tan cos instead romantic with my baobei dar dar in the sea..he piggyback me in the sea..after that..bath..then went to ben and jerry to have ice cream!! nice one..i love it..yummy choc fudge brownie! then we went to 7-eleven to buy some food cos my dearie leen is hungry..after tt..went to have a luge ride with every1 in the chalet..lols..i'm afraid of HEIGHTS..fuck man..on the way up..i was keep shouting shouting and shouting! and 1 embarassing thingy..i cried cos i'm scared..haha then i drive all the way down SLOWLY..hahaha..every1 went for the 2nd time..but not me cos i realli cant take the fear..hees..but heng the 1st time got my beebee hugging me and comforting me..thanks for being there..after luge went to room to rest..was intending to go out habourfront to eat but then the admission fee to go in is a waste..so we changed our plan and headed to ferry terminal there to have our dinner in BK..hees..then took some pic with him..on the way there quarreled with him cos of some issues which i dun wanna disclose..but we make up le..then went back to chalet..at 1st was gd..but quarreled again!! this time he used his hand to bang onto the door and pillar..guess i realli made him sad ba..sorry baobei..and a cat brought us back together in love again! hees..then went back to room..then slp..the 2nd nite was realli great to have him by my side to slp..this morning wake up and check out le!!

quarrels always happen to us..but no matter how many quarrels we had..thanks bee for always giving in to me and love me as much as u can..i realli feel touched, feel xing fu cos i always have u to be there for me..if 1 day i have a chance, and heaven is willing to give the chance, i'm always more of willing to give you myself.. and provided tt u r willing to accept this present from me..will u? i hope..love ya baobei..17th monthsary reaching..time flies..it's been 17th mths le..and u noe wat..u r realli the sweetest things ever happened to me..cos u're the 1st 1 who make me feel so belong to u..

anyway to ppl who went for the chalet..i noe i haven been planning activities well..but i realli hope u guys did enjoy urself... =D and of cos thanks for being able to go for the chalet..lastly..i hope laogong u will be happy ..sort of cant bear to leave the chalet..but i have to..take care every1..!

watever i do is wrong..ya i like it..tts me..they r forever right..i dun wan be a useless bum in front of them..I noe u all dun like me..then i shall live in my own world from now on..come home to eat and slp only..ya thanks so much to all of u to make me become more dependent..i go and earn money and BUY EVERYTHING I WAN MYSELF..i gonna find another job now. saddiee.

mon met my classmates at 12.30pm to go chalet! woohoo..chalet was nt bad..but..i'm jus veri unhappy with 2 person..cos they realli show disrespect to ALL OF US!! the room was occupied by them..and make the others cant slp well..and both of them enjoy like siao..this is our class chalet..is not a honeymoon..it's realli rude for them to do so..other than this..they stilll act as if tt they r the V.I.P of this chalet..i'm realli angry with them..nt onli me..all of us r unhappy jus tt no 1 say it out!

forget it..shall nt mention toomuch if nt spoil my mood only..so 1st day mahjong session already started..hahaha been playing mahjong for these 3 nites..hahaha..esp. for the 2nd day..the moment i wake up, the guys shouted up "MEIQI! MAHJONG!" and i went down..lols..so played mahjong from morning till night..lols..2nd nite went for nite walk frm changi beach to east coast..haha 3rd nite went for nite cycling frm changi beach to half way of changi village cos it's a nv ending road..but manage to see some planes..haha been enjoying the scenery so much while sherwin was cycling like hell..lols..anyway haha didnt imagine i'll talk so much with sherwin after so long didnt talk le..hahaha think from sec 4..hahahaha still rem he sent me to sch once..tt's funny..so the 4th day we check out..then went to toa payoh to have our lunch and then proceed to causeway point with alif, jiali, xiang, xiaoming, zhihao, jimmy n his gf to watch ice age 2..lame show indeed..hahaha..

well during this chalet..manage to say out all my troubles keeping to myself to alif..and somehow cry abit in front of him..anyway..thanks my dear best fren! u realli brighten me up after listening to me..i love u so much!! hhahaha =D

fri which is yday! finally got a chance to met my dear baobei laogong!! woohoo..after 4 days of nt meeting..i realli miss him SOOO MUCH!!! ..went to causeway point with him to apply internet and then at nite went to his hse to play PS 2..haha then stay overnight at his hse..slp till this morning 11plus..then i went home and bath 1st..then went out with hima gain..then now he come my hse and slp..hahaha i bought 3 xbox games!! hahaha so happy to have new games..but but..hais i got no money again..i realli hate myself so much..I HAVE NO MONEY ALREADY YET I AM SPENDING!! my gosh..wat am i...i dunno!! ok...shall nt blog more...going to play xbox with him then slp liao..tmr going to east coast with him and his frens! gd nitex~ muacksss!